Crazy Sexy Cool

In these last few days, I have been filled with worry over my fertility issues.  Then, while browsing books at Barnes and Noble in the health section, I stumbled across a book I heard about several months back called Crazy Sexy Cancer by Kris Carr.  She was diagnosed with cancer back in 2003 and had a rare form of the disease already at stage four.  What struck me about her several months back was how optimistic she was about her disease and how she didn’t let it define who she was.   Instead of looking at cancer as a death sentence (and some doctors gave her just a few months), she viewed it as an opportunity to let go and let herself truly live.  She gave herself permission to do all the things she was always putting on hold.  Instead of letting the disease dictate her life, she took the wheel.  She learned everything she could about the type of cancer she had.  She did her own research and tried both traditional and alternative medicines.  Today, she is nearly in remission.  How very, very cool. 

Not to say cancer even compares to infertility, but it is her approach I am fascinated with.  Like Kris, I too need to push myself to believe I can get through this; I also need to remember there are aspects of this I can control (such as diet, exercise, my thoughts and feelings, my education about it); and, even if in the end I cannot have biological children, it is not the death sentence I used to think it would be.  Instead, I need to channel my energies, have a positive attitude, and focus on being the best person I can be for today. 

Here’s to a tomorrow filled with promise and positive thinking. 

 

 

 

A Weekend to Remember

Memorial Day.  A day created to remember and reflect upon those who perished while serving our country.  For me, this weekend may take on a whole different meaning.  This could very well be the weekend I (we) created life since we went to the doctor to do our second IUI.  I will spare everyone the uncomfortable and at times painful details.  The bigger picture is that the worst could very well be over and I’ll know June 3rd if all my persistence has paid off.  I’ll know if all the doctor appointments, fertility drugs, surgery, injections and other unpleasantries will finally merit a happy ending. 

All weekend, signs seemed to be all around me, keeping me optimistic and hopeful maybe this time it actually worked.  Everywhere I turned, I saw pregnant women walking down the street.  I even saw a sign in a Cajun restaurant outlining all the different ways alcohol could affect your baby’s brain, liver, heart; well, you get the picture.  And, I had a dream in which I had a baby boy - the dream was so vivid and seemed so real I woke myself up around 2 AM just to make sure it really was a dream.  

Yep.  If this works, it could definitely be a weekend worth remembering.

Fertility Fun

Today was a great day: I was productive at work, ate lunch with good friends and started my first day of fertility treatments.  Doing a post-op check up yesterday, the doctor said all looked great – so today, I picked up my meds and went on my merry way.  My only anticipation was knowing I would have to start taking injections again – anyone who knows me knows I am not a fan of needles. 

I went through a cycle of Gonal F injectables once last year and the very first time I had to do it I was practically in tears.  My husband probably spent an hour and a half trying to calm me down and talk me into doing it.  (If I’m honest with myself, it was really not that bad.  In fact, you hardly feel it).  I think it is more just in my head that needle prick = ouch.  And I’m sure what it all signified was emotionally draining as well.  My husband always ended up having to give the injection to me because I couldn’t bring myself to do it on my own.  Poor guy.  

This time, however, I did not have that luxury since he is away on business.  Instead, I had to do it all alone.  I am happy to report I spent only 10 minutes getting ready instead of an hour and a half, no tears were involved and I didn’t feel a thing. 

So, am I cured of my needle phobia?  Hardly.  But, it just goes to show you can psych yourself up for anything if you want something else bad enough.